Mind games are a form of psychological manipulation that aim to influence or control another person’s thoughts, feelings, or actions. People who play mind games often have hidden agendas, such as gaining power, avoiding responsibility, or getting what they want. They may use various tactics, such as lying, gaslighting, passive-aggression, or guilt-tripping, to confuse, deceive, or coerce their targets.
Mind games can have serious consequences for the victims, such as eroding their self-esteem, trust, and mental health. They can also damage the quality and stability of their relationships, whether personal or professional. Therefore, it is important to recognize the signs of mind games and protect yourself from them.
In this article, I will share with you seven subtle behaviours that indicate someone is playing mind games with you, according to psychology. I will also provide some tips on how to cope with mind games and when to seek professional help.
1. They give you mixed signals
One of the most common signs of mind games is when someone gives you mixed signals. This means that they act inconsistently or contradictorily towards you, making you unsure of their intentions or feelings. For example, they may act interested in you one day, but ignore you the next. Or they may compliment you one moment, but criticize you the next. Or they may agree with you on something, but change their mind later.
The purpose of giving mixed signals is to keep you guessing and off-balance. This way, they can maintain control over the situation and your emotions. They may also use this tactic to test your loyalty, commitment, or patience. Or they may simply enjoy the attention and drama that they create.
2. They withhold information or lie to you
Another sign of mind games is when someone withholds information or lies to you. This means that they deliberately hide or distort the truth from you, making you doubt your own perception or memory. For example, they may not tell you important details about their past, present, or future. Or they may tell you false or exaggerated stories about themselves or others. Or they may deny or cover up their mistakes or wrongdoings.
The purpose of withholding information or lying is to manipulate your reality and make you dependent on them. They may also use this tactic to avoid accountability or consequences for their actions. Or they may simply want to appear more attractive, successful, or trustworthy than they really are.
3. They gaslight you
Gaslighting is a form of mind games that involves making you question your own sanity or judgment. It is a term derived from a 1938 play and a 1944 film, in which a husband tries to convince his wife that she is going insane by manipulating the gas lights in their house. In psychology, gaslighting refers to a pattern of behaviour that involves denying, dismissing, or invalidating your feelings, opinions, or experiences. For example, they may tell you that you are overreacting, misremembering, or misunderstanding something. Or they may accuse you of being crazy, paranoid, or irrational.
The purpose of gaslighting is to undermine your confidence and self-worth, and make you more vulnerable and submissive. They may also use this tactic to deflect blame or criticism, or to justify their abusive or unethical behaviour. Or they may simply enjoy the power and control that they have over you.
4. They use guilt or pity to manipulate you
Another sign of mind games is when someone uses guilt or pity to manipulate you. This means that they try to make you feel sorry for them or responsible for their problems, and use that to influence your decisions or actions. For example, they may tell you sob stories about their past, present, or future. Or they may exaggerate their suffering or hardship. Or they may threaten to harm themselves or others if you don’t do what they want.
The purpose of using guilt or pity is to appeal to your emotions and compassion, and make you more willing to help or please them. They may also use this tactic to avoid responsibility or consequences for their actions. Or they may simply want to get sympathy, attention, or validation from you.
5. They play the victim or the hero
Playing the victim or the hero is a form of mind games that involves portraying oneself as either a helpless or a heroic figure, depending on the situation. For example, they may play the victim when they want to avoid blame or criticism, or when they want to get sympathy or support. Or they may play the hero when they want to impress or influence you, or when they want to get praise or admiration.
The purpose of playing the victim or the hero is to manipulate your perception and impression of them, and make you more loyal, grateful, or indebted to them. They may also use this tactic to conceal their flaws or faults, or to justify their actions or motives. Or they may simply want to boost their ego or image.
6. They give you the silent treatment or ignore you
The silent treatment or ignoring is a form of mind games that involves refusing to communicate or interact with you, either partially or completely. For example, they may not answer your calls or texts, or they may not acknowledge your presence or greetings. Or they may act as if you don’t exist or matter to them.
The purpose of giving you the silent treatment or ignoring you is to punish you or make you feel rejected or unworthy. They may also use this tactic to express their anger or dissatisfaction, or to make you apologize or beg for their attention. Or they may simply want to avoid confrontation or conflict.
7. They make you jealous or insecure
Making you jealous or insecure is a form of mind games that involves provoking or triggering your negative emotions, such as fear, anxiety, or envy. For example, they may flirt with or praise other people in front of you, or they may compare you unfavorably to others. Or they may act distant or mysterious, or they may hide or lie about their whereabouts or activities.
The purpose of making you jealous or insecure is to make you more attached or obsessed with them, and to make you work harder to win or keep their affection. They may also use this tactic to boost their own ego or self-esteem, or to make themselves more desirable or valuable. Or they may simply enjoy the drama or excitement that they create.
How to cope with mind games
If you suspect that someone is playing mind games with you, here are some tips on how to cope with them:
Trust your intuition. If something feels off or wrong, don’t ignore or dismiss it. Pay attention to the red flags and warning signs that indicate someone is playing mind games with you.
Communicate clearly and assertively. Don’t be afraid to express your feelings, opinions, or needs. Ask questions and seek clarification if you are confused or unsure about something. Don’t let the other person manipulate or intimidate you into doing or saying something you don’t want to.
Set boundaries and limits. Don’t let the other person cross or violate your personal or professional boundaries. Say no and mean it when you are uncomfortable or unhappy with something. Don’t let the other person take advantage of you or exploit you.
Seek support and help. Don’t isolate yourself or suffer in silence. Reach out to your friends, family, or trusted people who can offer you emotional or practical support. If the mind games are affecting your mental health or well-being, consider seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor.
When to seek professional help
Mind games can be harmful and damaging to your mental health and well-being. They can cause you to experience stress, anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, trust issues, or relationship problems. If you are struggling with the effects of mind games, you may benefit from psychotherapy.
Psychotherapy is a form of treatment that involves talking to a trained mental health professional who can help you understand and cope with your situation. Psychotherapy can help you:
Identify and challenge the mind games and the manipulative tactics that the other person is using on you
Explore and process the emotions and thoughts that the mind games are triggering in you
Develop and practice healthy coping skills and strategies to deal with the mind games
Strengthen your self-confidence and self-worth, and reclaim your power and control over your life
Improve your communication and relationship skills, and learn how to set and maintain healthy boundaries
Decide whether to stay or leave the relationship, and how to do so safely and effectively
There are different types of psychotherapy, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), interpersonal therapy (IPT), or dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), that can help you with different aspects of mind games. You can find a therapist who specializes in the type of therapy that suits your needs and preferences.
Conclusion
Mind games are a form of psychological manipulation that aim to influence or control another person’s thoughts, feelings, or actions. People who play mind games often have hidden agendas, such as gaining power, avoiding responsibility, or getting what they want. They may use various tactics, such as lying, gaslighting, passive-aggression, or guilt-tripping, to confuse, deceive, or coerce their targets.
Mind games can have serious consequences for the victims, such as eroding their self-esteem, trust, and mental health. They can also damage the quality and stability of their relationships, whether personal or professional. Therefore, it is important to recognize the signs of mind games and protect yourself from them.
In this article, I have shared with you seven subtle behaviours that indicate someone is playing mind games with you, according to psychology. They are:
They give you mixed signals
They withhold information or lie to you
They gaslight you
They use guilt or pity to manipulate you
They play the victim or the hero
They give you the silent treatment or ignore you
They make you jealous or insecure
They provoke or trigger you
A seventh sign of mind games is when someone provokes or triggers you. This means that they deliberately say or do things that annoy, anger, or hurt you, making you react emotionally or impulsively. For example, they may insult or mock you, or they may challenge or contradict you. Or they may bring up sensitive or painful topics, or they may push your buttons or boundaries.
The purpose of provoking or triggering you is to make you lose your composure or control, and to make you look bad or feel guilty. They may also use this tactic to divert attention or shift blame, or to create drama or conflict. Or they may simply enjoy the reaction or satisfaction that they get from you.
How to protect yourself from mind games
If you want to protect yourself from mind games, here are some tips on how to do so:
Trust yourself. Don’t let the other person undermine your confidence or self-worth. Believe in your own abilities and judgments, and don’t let the other person make you doubt yourself or your reality.
Educate yourself. Learn about the signs and tactics of mind games, and how to recognize and counter them. Read books, articles, or blogs, or watch videos or podcasts, that can help you understand and cope with mind games.
Detach yourself. Don’t let the other person affect your emotions or actions. Try to remain calm and rational, and don’t let the other person get under your skin or into your head. Don’t take their words or deeds personally, and don’t let them manipulate or intimidate you.
Confront them. Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself or speak your mind. Call out their mind games and their manipulative tactics, and let them know that you are not falling for them. Don’t let them get away with their lies or excuses, and don’t let them twist or turn the tables on you.
Distance yourself. Don’t let the other person consume your time or energy. Limit or reduce your contact or interaction with them, or cut them off completely if necessary. Don’t let them invade or intrude your personal or professional space, and don’t let them interfere or influence your decisions or actions.
Conclusion
Mind games are a form of psychological manipulation that aim to influence or control another person’s thoughts, feelings, or actions. People who play mind games often have hidden agendas, such as gaining power, avoiding responsibility, or getting what they want. They may use various tactics, such as lying, gaslighting, passive-aggression, or guilt-tripping, to confuse, deceive, or coerce their targets.
Mind games can have serious consequences for the victims, such as eroding their self-esteem, trust, and mental health. They can also damage the quality and stability of their relationships, whether personal or professional. Therefore, it is important to recognize the signs of mind games and protect yourself from them.
In this article, I have shared with you seven subtle behaviours that indicate someone is playing mind games with you, according to psychology. They are:
They give you mixed signals
They withhold information or lie to you
They gaslight you
They use guilt or pity to manipulate you
They play the victim or the hero
They give you the silent treatment or ignore you
They make you jealous or insecure
They provoke or trigger you
If you notice these signs in someone, you should be cautious and careful. You should also take steps to cope with and protect yourself from their mind games. If the mind games are affecting your mental health or well-being, you should consider seeking professional help from a psychotherapist or counselor.
Frequently asked questions about mind games
Here are some frequently asked questions about mind games, along with their answers:
Q: Why do people play mind games?
A: People play mind games for various reasons, such as:
To gain power or control over another person or situation
To avoid responsibility or accountability for their actions or problems
To get what they want or need from another person or situation
To boost their ego or self-esteem, or to compensate for their insecurities or inadequacies
To express their anger or frustration, or to vent their emotions
To create drama or excitement, or to relieve their boredom or loneliness
A: You can tell if someone is playing mind games with you by paying attention to their words and actions, and how they make you feel. Some signs that someone is playing mind games with you are:
You feel confused, doubtful, or uncertain about their intentions or feelings
You feel stressed, anxious, or depressed about your relationship or situation
You feel guilty, ashamed, or responsible for their problems or emotions
You feel rejected, ignored, or unworthy of their attention or affection
You feel jealous, insecure, or threatened by their actions or words
You feel provoked, triggered, or manipulated by their actions or words
A: You can stop someone from playing mind games with you by:
Trusting yourself and your intuition, and not letting them undermine your confidence or self-worth
Communicating clearly and assertively, and not letting them confuse or deceive you
Setting boundaries and limits, and not letting them cross or violate them
Seeking support and help, and not letting them isolate or exploit you
Detaching yourself and distancing yourself, and not letting them affect or consume you
A: You can avoid playing mind games with others by:
Being honest and truthful, and not lying or withholding information
Being respectful and considerate, and not gaslighting or guilt-tripping
Being supportive and helpful, and not playing the victim or the hero
Being attentive and responsive, and not giving the silent treatment or ignoring
Being secure and confident, and not making others jealous or insecure
Being mature and responsible, and not provoking or triggering others
A: Some examples of mind games are:
Lying or withholding information to manipulate or deceive another person
Gaslighting or making another person question their own sanity or judgment
Using guilt or pity to make another person feel sorry for or responsible for another person
Playing the victim or the hero to avoid blame or criticism, or to get sympathy or admiration
Giving the silent treatment or ignoring another person to punish or reject them
Making another person jealous or insecure to make them more attached or obsessed
Provoking or triggering another person to make them lose their composure or control
References
Baskin-Sommers, A., Krusemark, E., & Ronningstam, E. (2014). Empathy in narcissistic personality disorder: From clinical and empirical perspectives. Personality Disorders: Theory, Research, and Treatment, 5(3), 323-333.
Dorfman, A., & Naliboff, B. D. (2019). Gaslighting: A systematic review. Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment & Trauma, 28(8), 918-938.
Fjelstad, R. (2014). Stop caretaking the borderline or narcissist: How to end the drama and get on with life. Rowman & Littlefield.
Forward, S., & Frazier, D. (1997). Emotional blackmail: When the people in your life use fear, obligation, and guilt to manipulate you. HarperCollins.
Greenberg, L. S. (2015). Emotion-focused therapy: Coaching clients to work through their feelings (2nd ed.). American Psychological Association.
Lancer, D. (2017). Conquering shame and codependency: 8 steps to freeing the true you. New Harbinger Publications.
Simon, G. K. (2010). In sheep’s clothing: Understanding and dealing with manipulative people. Parkhurst Brothers.
Stern, R. (2018). The gaslight effect: How to spot and survive the hidden manipulation others use to control your life. Harmony.
Van der Kolk, B. (2015). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Penguin Books.
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